Friday, September 26, 2008

When will the nightmares stop?

Not theirs, mine. At least once a week, I have a nightmare that we are still trying to get pregnant. The poking and prodding, the emotional burden, the whole nine yards! I wonder why this is happening? The dreams are vivid, and I'm a bit stunned when I wake up and realize that I do indeed have two beautiful babies in my midst.

We are the survivors of infertility and IVF. Here is our success story.

Our journey through infertility began in 2001, when we sought treatment after trying for a little more than a year. I was already down one ovary, but I was only 32, so there was still “time.” Well, that “time” was told by the slowest ticking clock in history, even though my obsession with wanting to get pregnant and have kids was racing at full speed.

To make a long story short, after losing a right ovary to a 3.5 lb cyst, then trying 6 IUI cycles with Clomid, then a lateral incision myomectomy, a blighted ovum m/c, acupuncture, naturopathy and another vertical incision myomectomy, then trying on our own a few months with a repaired uterus, we finally took the plunge into the world of IVF. Our first cycle in April 2007 was a bust, but the second cycle in October 2007 was a roaring success. We became the proud parents of boy/girl twins in May 2008, about 8 years after initially talking about having kids! Whew! What a journey it has been, and I have the road map of scars to show it.

After the first unsuccessful attempt, I was ready to give up. We even started talking about adoption. I started thinking more positively about things and quit dwelling on the negatives in my life. In that respect, I did a lot of yoga and walking to keep my brain in good shape. I hugged the dog a lot too. We had one more chance for another IVF cycle, and my best advice to anyone is to take that last chance when you have it! When the doctor asked if we were sure we wanted all 3 embryos transferred and reminded us of the risk of triplets, I said, “Let’s go for it! We’ve got nothing to lose.” I must say we were a tiny bit nervous about the first ultrasound because triplets would mean so many things, like needing a bigger car. We were thrilled when we saw the two little gummi bears on the screen! I work in a fertility clinic and was a patient in the same, so it was fun and easy just walking down the hall for bloodwork and ultrasounds.

The things I have learned along the way are this: A definite reason for infertility is so much easier to deal with than being diagnosed as “unexplained.” We of the unexplained are always trying to figure out a reason for being broken and we really beat ourselves up about it. And as hard as it is to go to your gyne’s office and see all the pregnant women, they are really there to give us hope that we too will one day stand in their shoes.

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